I’ve been trying to think of a way to start my first blog entry and tonight as I got ready for bed it hit me.
My house is empty. Just me (and four cats) right now.
…but I see reminders of my kids everywhere. A game of Mouse Trap taken out and not put away. A sippy cup sitting on the kitchen counter. Toys and school projects…but they’re not here. Not tonight.
I’m recently divorced (…and I hate that word). I won’t get into the details of that…but it was not my choice. I have two kids: a 6-year-old son and a nearly 4-year-old girl. My ex and I split custody and placement 50/50.
They were here this morning. They woke up in my house and I got them ready to face the day…and then I sent them off and I went to work and I came home to an empty house filled with memories of them…but without them.
I hate it.
It will never feel right.
I just never thought I’d be here. I don’t like calling myself a “single” dad because my kids have a mom who cares about them as much as I do. I have someone to share them with…but I also experience what it feels like to do this on my own. When I have them there is nobody else to help me. Dinner is on me. Bath time is on me. Bed time is on me. It’s tough.
I’ll keep this first entry short and sweet. Call it my introduction…but I plan on writing a lot more. I know there are a lot dads out there who are in similar situations and if I can help them get through their days with my writing I’m glad to do it.
Every single day is a challenge. I’m dealing with things I never thought I’d deal with. I just know that everything I do, I do it for them. My “life” is on the back burner because right now they need me. They need all of me. Sure, I go out and have fun when I don’t have them…but only after business has been taken care of.
I just think I’ll never get used to the empty house. I miss their laughter and their silly stories. I miss making them dinner…even when I’m worn out and at my wit’s end.
Anyway, my next entry will be more profound…I promise…but I wanted to get this first one down.
I just love being a dad. It is the best thing I have ever done…and nothing else makes me happier. I’m so blessed. It is too easy to lose sight of my blessings these days, but I am blessed.