My wife does not always hear my compliments. She’d rather focus on criticisms in order to ensure she is always “improving her game” and not leaving any blind spots for “dropping the ball”. It’s annoying when people refuse to taste the sweet nectar of a compliment. But, as a mother of two babies (and two black Labs), my wife is crushing it – I’m in awe of how she does it all. Her body may need the coffee to get through a day, but her spirit does not waver – remaining rooted to an infinite source of love that drives her through the relentless job of early motherhood – a job I can only describe as the plight of Sisyphus.
We’re almost 2 ½ years into parenthood now: proud parents of 2 beautiful baby girls born 15 months apart. I could gush for hours trying to capture the magnitude of love our girls have brought forth from our hearts and into our lives. But I’m no poet, and we’ve all heard that story, ad nauseam. Most parents with babies share a bond; we go to bed each night more exhausted than the last, knowing full well we are about to, once again, get way too little sleep (and that’s assuming we aren’t woken with frantic cries during the night). Yet, without fail, we find ourselves unconsciously falling into shameless adulation of our little angels as our heads hit the pillow – followed by the instantaneous exhaustion-induced coma. The love is undeniable. It fuels us through each and every day – along with the coffee. But sometimes it’s nice to receive some recognition for all the selfless and seemingly unnoticed effort we put forth. And since Laura (my wife) does not always hear it, I’m hoping she cannot simply side-swipe this open letter:
Dear Laura,
I see you.
Though my eyes are firmly shut while I blissfully sleep through our babies’ cries at night, I know you wake up with the slightest hint of disturbance. I know you don’t always fall back asleep, yet you are front and center every morning: showering our babies with love, filling their bellies with carefully planned nutrients, and their minds with colors, shapes, animals, and stories – lots of stories. You sing to them, teach them about nature, and let them get filthy playing in the mud – even though it means extra laundry and bathing duties. With two babies in diapers, and two aging dogs in frequent need of bathroom breaks, you have been relegated to latrine duty all day, every day.
You make sure the never-ending pile of laundry is on a conveyor belt. You refuse to accept that a household with two babies and two dogs must suffer the sanitary consequences of the daily tornado that hits our house without fail. Exhausted from a relentless day, you refuse to go to bed until the dishes are done, toys put away, and the tea set on the girls’ play table is ready for morning teatime.
I know it was hard changing gears from being the Executive Director of a self-made non-profit, to a full time mom. Yet, you have taken that same selfless leadership model of running an organization, and applied it to your new business of raising our children and running our house. You forgo showers, sleep, and sanity to make sure our babies receive every chance to explore life, grow and thrive. Sometimes I feel like you have read every book on what children need in order to flourish, and have refused to let even one aspect fall through the cracks.
And you do this all with no help. Of course I help out as much as possible; but it ends there. I could never do the job of a mom. It is filled with countless tasks that need to be repeated ad nauseam. It requires a never-ending stream of conscious awareness surrounding the children – providing a protective bubble to prevent hospital visits and unthinkable disasters. It requires constant attention to their needs and questions. Of course, you could take the easy route and “mail it in” while on duty; but you refuse to allow your parental ethical compass to waver from due north. The coup de gras, though, is that you somehow find a way to keep this performance going while filling our home with an abundance of love and affection from a seemingly infinite source. I am in awe as I watch you keep up this routine: a routine that I was sure you wouldn’t be able to sustain.
And like Oliver Twist humbly asking for some more gruel, all you ask for in return for a hard day’s work is some quality time connecting with me, and to go on a family hike whenever possible. Laura, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you. Yet, I want you to know that I am excited to continue growing with you, raising a family together, exploring nature together, and staying connected for eternity. I love you with all of my heart – and it grows deeper every day.
Giving so much for a family may seem like an intrinsic call to duty for some. I get that. But experiencing first hand what it takes to be a successful mother of two babies and two aging dogs, with no outside help, has opened my heart to all mothers who don’t only do their job, but make sure to rock it – all the while, doing it with love. Full time mothers may feel removed from society at times – isolated in a tiny bubble of babies, overwhelmed by never-ending tasks while immersed in unimaginable odors unleashed with every diaper change – but you make this world a better place to live. And you deserve supreme recognition and praise. Thank you.