Every dad is protective of his daughter. He always wants her to remain his baby, never wants her to date, and will shut down any guy that ever treats her poorly.
Babs is 11.5 months old, and I figured I had years until I had to keep a close eye on her around Valentine’s Day. I was wrong.
Your honor, I would like to present Valentine’s Day Card #1 as evidence:
Hey Jack… I can respect the fact that you miss my daughter. I would too, if I was away from her. But, do you really miss her “sooo much?” And for the record, Babs has only spent one night in Indiana, EVER! It’s a little to soon to label you as her boyfriend, buddy. After doing a little bit of research, I’ve found out that you are a Colts fan, Jack. That’s never gonna fly in this house. We root for the Patriots and the Bears. Period.
Just when I thought I had seen it all, I looked on the other side of the card, and Jack left a handprint. Keep you hands to yourself, young man.
Your honor, if I could please present Valentine’s Day Card #2 as evidence:
This card was postmarked in Illinois, where this Ryan character resides. After running a handwriting test on his cursive, I was able to determine that Ryan is only 6 or 7 months old.
Hey Ryan…I can appreciate the fact that you are going after a cougar, in Barbara…she is months older than you. But don’t you think its going a little bit too far asking her “Will you be mine?” I mean, this is our first Valentine’s Day with her too, so we want her to be OURS. I’m stunned that you not only signed the card, “Love Ryan,” but you also included four X’s and four O’s. I’m gonna have to ask you to slow down a little bit, big guy. She’s not even one year old yet.
Those two cards pushed this dad to the boiling point. Then I heard the following story…
Babs and her mama went to the park last week, and ran into none other, than young Hank Baskett, Jr. If you’re not familiar with Junior, he is the son of Hank Baskett (NFL Player) and Kendra Wilkinson (Former Playboy Bunny, Reality Star). Umm…I definitely don’t want my daughter dating the son of a pro athlete, or anybody associated with Hugh Hefner…end of story.
With that said, I’m sure Hank Baskett Jr. is a nice young fellow. However, he turned one year old on December 11th, and Babs still has a few weeks to go. He’s way too old for her. Allegedly, both Babs and Hank had a good time at the park, although I’m not sure they even made eye contact. Phew.
Listen..I know that Jack, Ryan, and Hank are all good guys. Being my daughter’s first Valentine’s Day, I just need to ask you all to slow down a little bit. Write back in 18 years. By then, Babs will have her own phone line, Discman, and VCR, so hopefully she’ll be too busy for you guys anyway. That’s my plan, at least.