My wife gave birth to our second daughter this week. Enter chaos. (Disclaimer for all of you 3+ kid parents out there: I get that the idea of 2 kids does not impress you. However, try to remember what it was like when you first made the jump to man-to-man defense.) As if my mountain of pressure and responsibilities was not high enough, this one little 6 pound, 13 ounce addition has brought my balancing act to a crashing halt.
How can something so tiny create such big waves?!
I am a mess. Wait. Before you think I am a monster, let me say: The addition of our 2nd daughter is an enormous blessing and I am overjoyed that she has entered our lives. I am already falling in love with her. I feel bonded to her in a way that took me 3-4 months to achieve with our first girl. I digress. – I am an utter mess. I am chewing on my tongue in some gruesome stress response. My patience is as thin as my wallet. I have no clue how to tend to a wife (who has just had her 2nd C-section in 15 months), 2 baby daughters, myself, chores, unaccounted for mishaps, and of course, re-igniting my career on the east coast. As a man, I feel a burning compulsion to provide for my family. As a husband, I feel an intrinsic pull to tend to my wife. As a father, I feel the aching pressure to be present for my children. After 4 days, I feel I am failing miserably on all accounts. I am stressed and operating incredibly inefficiently. I know if I could just reset my system, I’d at least have a higher capacity for tending to my life. In a previous post, I discussed the importance of hitting the reset button:
https://medium.com/@Adam_Gries/sushi-ginger-sushi-repeat-efc1d7c61ef4
It is easy to find the space for a reset button or even just maintain a positive outlook when our lives are “under control”. But what do we do when the wheels seem to be coming off the wagon? How do we find the time to release our angst when we are already 2 pages behind on our to-do list, with new additions being added faster than Republicans expressing interest to run for the 2016 Presidency.
I took 2 days off from tending to work for the birth of our daughter. I knew I needed to get right back in the swing of things as soon as possible in order to keep any momentum going in the right direction. Well, it turns out it is harder than I thought to integrate a 2nd child and a recovering mother into a smoothly flowing family dynamic. Once again, I am amazed at my naiveté entering new situations despite everyone’s warnings. If you want to be nice, call me an optimist.
Our newest addition, Ananda Lilly
As soon as we left the hospital it became apparent I was going to be needed for many little things necessary for keeping my wife, kids, and home, in working order. The only problem is that in tending to those responsibilities, I cannot devote the proper time and attention to my pressing issues of “being the provider”. It did not help that the under-carriage of my car was mangled due to the winter storm that came through this week. The hideous scraping of plastic along the paved roads was the perfect backdrop for the theme of my emotional state as I drove to the auto body shop near me this morning at the crack of dawn. I got out of the car. The single digit temperatures immediately pierced my face as if to remind me there is no escape from the elements of life.
On the verge of a complete meltdown, I realized I had stumbled upon a golden pocket of time. Yes, I could have stressed about all the unfinished bullet-points on my to-do list. I could have cursed the lack of a heater inside the barren sitting area of the auto shop. But this was the first time in over a week that I had a few minutes all to myself. I remembered I had my iPod shuffle in my jacket. I turned on a meditation track and focused on my breath. No, that did not directly take care of the unresolved issues in my life. But it did allow me to release my choke-hold on all the negative aspects of my situation. Little by little, I felt lighter. Little by little, I felt more space inside and around me. My mind was soon able to look at every aspect of my life with a fresh outlook. I was able to view circumstances, both grim and bountiful, with an open heart and quiet mind. In that space, I appreciated my bounty, and could effectively plan how to tackle my hurdles. I felt calm, centered, and ready to take on life. The mechanic returned: Only $32 to fix the problem. Nice. Now let’s get home, reconnect with my family, and get to work. I’m ready.