As of this post I have not had to say goodbye to any of my boys for more then a week at a time, which I am thankful for. For as much as sometimes I relish the peace and quiet an empty house provides I know it will be much different when they actually leave the nest…little breaks are nice. I wish I was talking about those little breaks, instead I'm talking about the ones where the loving, cute, and precious child turns into a raging hormone pumping beast…
I don't have daughters…a point upon which I thank the good Lord above at least weekly sometimes more. I honestly don't believe I would be able to handle having a daughter, especially not a hormonal one, dealing with one female who is unpredictable is enough of a gamble for one mans lifetime… Being I don't have daughters I can offer you no advice about how to deal with them, you had em, you figure it out…but Boys…well, I'll do my best.
When a boy starts to hit puberty the changes that begin are endearing, and even even offer moments of joy when that "First Hair" makes its appearance under the Pits, or the facial hair begins to darken ever so slightly…yes, much like kittens and puppies it's all cute in the beginning. Then something happens, like a damn switch got flipped and you'll know exactly when it occurs because your son will now want to "measure" himself against you physically. First it's the random mocking punch to the arm…then he might even try standing in front of you shadow boxing…egging you on. At first it is fun; in our house we have a little joke going about the "Mongoose and the Cobra"…
I am the mongoose…and the Mongoose always wins. We play fairly rough at times, and I have even been jumped by both of my sons at once…still the Mongoose wins, they are of course the helpless Cobras. But, inevitably there comes a time when the endocrine system is pumping out the hormones faster then they can adjust, and testosterone seems to be the culprit. Eventually they will become angry little balls of h roid rage…the natural kind. Clinical studies show that low testosterone treatments can balance testosterone and restore normal levels so long as the testosterone injections are sustained for life and the frequency is kept consistent like this testosterone replacement therapy in Jacksonville, FL. Sadly, they have no clue what is happening to them, and they don't have the wisdom to handle it, at least not all of the time. I imagine they manage to keep it in check fairly well in school and when they are out and about with their friends; however it is my belief that once they are home, where they feel most safe, this is where they allow their emotions to overflow and they find the release they need.
It might manifest itself as an inability to take criticism, or we have all seen this one…the "I know everything" mode where as a parent you can say nothing that is correct. They will most likely go silent on you for awhile, and you may feel that they are distant causing you to question yourself and perhaps believe you have done something wrong. It hurts when our kids don't want to constantly be around us because we understand that someday they won't be right in the next room to go hug or talk to…and we want the time they are home to be enjoyable. The tension in a household will continually increase the closer one of your children gets to college and beyond…but it is natural and it has to happen. What is important to remember is that this is temporary, and they will return.
I know that despite my circumstances as a teenager I was still rebellious. It is a natural part of growing up and maturing…but it hurts as a parent. I do know however that this only lasts a few years. The hardest so far for us seems to have started at about the age of 15…it's still in effect so it hasn't slowed down well past 16 approaching 17, but it has appeared that he has gained some control and is slowly starting to return from the "Dark Side". I hope it hits the plateau soon because while I understand that if he is going to be a "Dick" anywhere he should be able to do it at home where he can be himself…because I know this is not my son, that boy will return to me in good time. I can see now why the Dominant Male drives the younger males out of the Pride or Pack when they get to a certain age…they don't feel like dealing with this crap either.
If I can offer any advice in dealing with this it is to pick your battles and to be patient. You have to give them a certain degree of latitude but you also have to know when to reign it in so they learn their limits. It is a line finer then a spiders silk, but you will find it and you will protect it accordingly. as one Father to many…you will have to be the voice of reason in the household. I have noticed that my sons try to assert themselves more with my wife then with me…most likely because they know if they push me too far they will regret it. If any mothers are reading this…be firm and stand your ground. The absolute worst thing you can do is threaten to "Tell their father"…deal with any line crossings instantly and swiftly; and I am a firm believer that there are times when manual correction is appropriate; how you to choose to do this is up to you, but you need to know that when they get older "Timeouts" don't work for squat… It hurts the mothers the most because that is their Baby yelling at them, it is hard for a mother to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not call it a train. Seriously though, it is a phase and they will return, just be patient.
And, I may catch some shit for this one, but I firmly believe that "spanking" is an amazing disciplinary tool, the key word being tool, however this tool needs to be utilized much younger in life then waiting for them to be a Teenager.
For the first 5 years of my life I was under the guidance and discipline of a man I love more then anything in this world; My Grandfather. He was Old School…like he served in WWII Old School and when he told you not to do something, or to stop doing something that was your one notice that the action had better cease and desist. If he had to tell you a second time to do it he was already on his way to you and the belt was already coming off. He could close on you faster in two steps then Kobe driving to the basket…that man was like lightening. It didn't matter if you prayed to Jesus that you would never do it again once that belt was off you were getting spanked; Left hand grabbed your right arm, Right arm delivered the "Boom"…maybe twice, and that was that…I believe in my entire childhood I was spanked twice, maybe three times, because I know when I was told to stop doing something there was a reason I was being told to stop…it was not up to me at that moment in time to understand why I was being told to stop…I just did. To this day I have never once believed I was being beaten with the belt, or that my Grandfather didn't love me…no, I have been on the receiving end of that stick, and I know the reason my Grandfather did it was BECAUSE he loved me, not because he didn't. Executed properly and appropriately one or two spankings in a child's life will set them on a path to the "Light Side"… A child who does not respect authority will turn into a teen who does not respect authority which turns into an adult which doesn't respect authority…and that is a headache I believe we are seeing far too much of. Sometimes…just seeing a sibling spanked is enough to put the other children on the straight and narrow…it is a tool. I have only had to spank my children maybe 3 or 4 times between the three of them…when I say enough is enough they understand it. I have also been told by other parents that my Boys are amazing young men when I am not around, and that is really what I am looking for, it is one thing to behave while I am right there, but to do it when I am not is awesome, and that is all that I can ask for. I always tell my kids, if you wouldn't do it with me standing there, don't do it when your alone. So far it seems to be working.
Understand that it is a natural part of growing up, pick your battles and know that it is always darkest before the dawn…but your babies will return.
