What does it mean to be a dad?
How do we uphold our values of fatherhood while maintaining our priorities to our wives, our career, and most of all, our own self?
Not too long ago I was a single guy living footloose and fancy-free. It was easy to tend to all of my priorities – since they were all egocentrically based. My career, fitness, athletics, social life, and spiritual evolvement: They fit so nicely into a life with no major responsibilities or considerations. Then I started dating my future wife. No problem – I was getting sick of the single life filled with empty relationships and no one to build a relationship with anyway. Then we got engaged. Ok, life got a little more packed at that point. Learning to build a life with someone while making sure to take their desires and needs into account when making decisions requires the ability to let go of our egocentrically developed mind. And I had 36 years of molding my egocentric outlook – it ran deep. It was hard enough to navigate through my own insecurities and idiosyncrasies without beating myself up. But having the patience and compassion to allow for somebody else’s hang-ups required a whole new level of letting go.
When it comes to spiritual learning and growth, one could consult any professional psychics and get help from https://www.heraldnet.com to heal and grow better. One may also consider having a multifaceted character reading. It is all about going in the right direction with some help from an experts as they understand what the problem is in case one feels overwhelmed and stuck in a place.
Pre-kids, pre-mariage. Ahh, the simplicity of dating.
To me, a lifelong partnership is the perfect platform for spiritual growth. So, I welcomed the challenges of remolding my mind in order to unite with someone. Everything was amazing. Laura (my wife) and I got married in 2012 and 1 year later we had our daughter, Kali. She was the greatest gift I had ever been given. Truth be told, it took me a few months to bond with her. I hear all these stories about the instantaneous bond people have with their newborn. Not me. It was all very surreal, almost out of body for me. Let’s be honest. Newborns are basically just a blob with a beating heart. I knew I loved Kali immediately. I knew I would do anything to protect her and ensure she has everything she needs in life. BUT, I didn’t really “connect” with her until she was about 3 or 4 months old. I felt ashamed of this for a while, but that shame was no match for the growing depth of love I felt for her with every passing day since then. Now, I am just immersed in an infinite sea of unconditional love – to the extent I have never come close to experiencing in my entire life. I guess a child will do that to you.
I digress. Once Kali was born, an internal shift took place. I felt a level of responsibility I had never felt prior. Long held priorities in my life instantly vanished and were replaced with a new heightened focus on family values, stability, and providing security for my family. With this newfound perspective on life, Laura and I took stock of our life and realized we were no longer being fed by the life we had set up in San Diego. We decided to move back to the east coast to be near family and start our professional careers anew. It was risky to drop the life we had been building for almost 15 years. We had worked our butts off building a non-profit together. We had poured our hearts and souls into it. We had friendships and connections. But we could not ignore the pull from our newfound priorities. So, we started over on the east coast.
My 2 girls
As a dad and husband who was used to playing the occasional casino online, I felt an inner drive to establish our financial stability. I got in touch with an old colleague and took a chance on joining forces with his existing athletic enhancement/fitness gym facility and integrating Laura’s and my rehab program into it. It was a risk for sure. But it felt right. Well, as soon as we got settled into our move and ready to start working, a major hiccup developed and delayed the plans to initiate our program. Whoops. I felt like a fool. How could I put my family in such jeopardy? How could I uproot my family without a sounder plan? I was scrambling. I knew it would take a while to get our practice running at full speed, but I was not prepared for the extended transition – the transition that we are still mired in as I write this.
We have been on the east coast for a year now. It is January 1st, 2015. We live in Connecticut and commute to Westchester, NY to work. The past year has been filled with pressure to establish some financial stability for my family. BUT (and it’s a big “but”), our current situation has afforded me the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Laura and Kali. I have been given the gift of playing a major role in raising Kali for her first year of life. This year has been filled with priceless memories engrained in my heart. But this situation is most definitely not sustainable. I have to get our financial inflow going, and going fast. It is a pressure that fills me with anxiety and often interferes with my ability to stay present and enjoy the moment.
It is not within me to take a heartless job – I cannot work unless I am passionate about what I am doing. I have built my practice around helping people find their truth and build an ironclad relationship with their heart/spirit/true self. I walk the walk of my advice and it has put me face to face with the dilemma that most people find themselves in when they decide to stop compromising their life and begin trusting that digging deep within themselves will allow their full potential to be revealed. The hope is that taking that leap of faith will lead me to achieve my greatest success of building an enriching and sustainable life while tending to my utmost principles. It’s risky. Many will say it is foolish. Many don’t have the guts to take such a leap. One thing I know for sure: When I am old and gray (actually I’m already gray), I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I set an example for my children of how to honor their true expression and find an outlet for it that will provide them everything they need. And that begins now.
From bachelor 4 years ago, to family of “4” today…and #5 just weeks away
So, here I stand: I have taken my family to where I feel is right. I have been blessed with a year of bonding with my daughter and my new family dynamic. I know it is a priority for me to remain a hands-on-dad. AND I know it is a priority to establish financial stability for my family. AND I know it is a priority to have faith in allowing my spirit to lead me in order to find the answers for tending to my priorities.
It is a new year. I invite you take this journey with me. I have no answers at the moment other than to continue working hard towards creating the vision I have for being a great dad, husband, and my truest self. It is easy for people that have already achieved success to tell us to “just go for it”. I find more inspiration seeing someone walk the walk in front of my eyes rather than hearing about it expo facto. I have a 14-month old daughter and another baby girl on the way one month from now. I have a clean slate on which to set up the structure for my life. It is scary because I have nothing to cling to for security. But it is also exciting because I have the freedom to create. My challenge is to set up a life that allows me to provide for my family, be emotionally available to my wife and kids, and be a part of as many family memories as I can throughout the years. Many people cling to the first thing that offers a promise of providing comfort and security. They refuse to let go of it even if their life does not allow them to tend to their other priorities like continuing to build a relationship with their spouse and children. My goal is to show people that even when we have everything to lose and we are staring straight into the eyes of uncertainty, confusion, fear, and insecurity, we need to dig down and connect to our inner compass and trust that it will lead us to creating the life we truly desire.
Stay tuned for my Vlogs to follow…