It can be so hard to communicate with a teenager. If you have been trying, chances are you have decided it is an exercise in futility. Why is it more like talking to a bear?! Your frustration is natural, but you should keep one thing in mind: your teenager is frustrated, too. Maybe even more than you are.
Here are six things you’ve probably heard them say recently and what they are really trying to tell you:
“I Can Do It Myself.”
As parents it is our instinct to help our children in any way we can. So when they have a problem, we might want to step in and fix it for them, rather than see them struggle. Not only does this limit their problem solving skills in the future, but it frustrates your teenager. Sometimes it is better just to offer a listening ear.
“We’ve Already Gone Through This.”
When your teenager has done something wrong, they have to face the music. But once they have, it isn’t right to keep bringing it up again. Mistakes are a natural part of life, especially growing up. Constantly reminding them of those mistakes can have a negative impact on their self esteem. Once they have paid for a mistake, let it go.
“I Just Need a Break.”
Sometimes we forget how stressful life is for a teenager, especially with all of the social responsibilities, fear of the future, and emotion-inducing hormones rushing through their body. If they need a break from something it isn’t out of laziness. They just may be overwhelmed and unable to cope. Some parents have begun giving their kids a “mental health day” every semester, where they can opt out of school when needed.
“Your Other Son Isn’t So Perfect Either.”
Sibling rivalry is normal to a degree. But when your teen says something like this, it is a clear sign that they feel unappreciated and overshadowed. You should take the time and effort to show them that you appreciate their personal skills and abilities. Not just those of their siblings.
“Why Can’t We Ever Talk About Me?”
One of the hardest lessons for many people is how to be selfish sometimes. Self care is a necessary part of overall health. Teenagers have a greater tendency to understand that, just as children do. But as responsibilities pile up, they might have trouble getting it. If they express a feeling of being not thought of, work to remedy that.
“Stop Always Telling Me What To Do!”
You are a parent, and you are going to tell your children what to do. That doesn’t mean you have to all the time. Trying to tightly control our teenagers restricts their development. They need some room ro grow.
Tyler Jacobson is a proud father, husband, writer and outreach specialist with experience helping parents and organizations that help troubled teen boys. Tyler has focused on helping through honest advice and humor on: modern day parenting, struggles in school, the impact of social media, addiction, mental disorders, and issues facing teenagers now. Follow Tyler on: Twitter | Linkedin