I’m beginning to see a pattern developing in my levels of patience when it comes to my two kids. With my daughter, my patience was…. well somewhat less than existent. I was frequently exasperated by some of the things she would do, and have oftentimes gotten unnecessarily infuriated by repetitive things that would be seen as benign from an outsiders perspective. My son, on the other hand seems to get a much wider berth when it comes to my frustrations. He gets away with a lot more and doesn’t seem to grate on my nerves the way that she had done in the past. Recently I’ve realized that this is probably because she was the beta version of my offspring. A test subject that would go in to work out all of the parenting kinks for first time users, so that the newer versions would have a more user-friendly platform of parents.
I can only guess that this pattern of testing is going to stretch on for the foreseeable future and I kind of feel badly for her. She’ll be the first to reach the delightful teenage years where I will drop the proverbial hammer on brattiness. She’ll be the first to want to stay out late at night, the first to want to borrow the car….. etc. By the time my son rolls into those phases my wife and I will have already experienced them and we’ll almost definitely be more lax when it comes to the behaviors. You’d think he’d have it made, but along with this, we’re also going to be able to recognize and handle any potential bamboozlement he might try on us. I know for a fact that my daughter will pull fast ones on me in the coming years. I’m a little bit terrified at how smart and observant she is and know that she can use this to manipulate things to work in her favor. This is unfortunate for our little guy because their is nothing he can come up with that she hasn’t already tried on us. We’re going to be prepared.
We only have two kids, but I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters and based on my upbringing I’m convinced that each successive child breaks the parents in just a bit more. With each passing child, patience seems to extend exponentially for the younger sibling and the experience gained with each one hardens the armor against shenanigans. However, I did notice an anomaly that seems to be agreed upon by friends who have come from large families. Please refer to the graph below.
You can see the steady shift of patience and tolerance moving in a predictable progression for the first few children. Then, at #5 you’ll notice a dramatic upturn in tolerance to a level that matches a near infinite amount of patience. To say this is unfair to older “beta-test” siblings is an understatement. Our youngest brother not only got away with more than we ever did, but was practically rewarded for it. “You were arrested?? Well, at least it was a misdemeanor. Here’s a new guitar for your troubles.” Like a pair of jeans, once a parent has been broken in, comfort reaches its zenith and it’s far easier to shrug off things that would have been absolute scandal with the first.
So while my daughter does trench warfare with my limits and gains inches per day, my son does get to enjoy the fruits of her labors. I hope when he’s older he understands all she’s unwittingly done for him. In the meantime, I’ll make up for my impatience every day with little gestures to remind her that she’s my favorite little gal in the whole world.