“So you’re telling me her middle and last name are the same as mine?”
Babs’ grandfather calls her Schnooks. Babs had dinner with her great-grandmother this weekend. Steve Carell’s new movie, “Dinner for Schmucks” had a nice opening at the box office, so I had not choice but to name this entry “Dinner for Schnooks.”
Baby Mama was at a baby shower, so Babs and I went to visit my grandmother. Gram Cracker, as I call her, was already seated in the dining room when we arrived. The Cracker lives in an assisted living
home, and she will turn ninety-three this October. She is always seated with the same two ladies at dinner.
The Cracker’s eyes lit up when she saw Babs and I walk in. One of her friends remained stunned and didn’t move from the same position of cutting her croissant the entire time we where there.
Babs and I sat down, and she was fantastic the entire dinner. She was standing on my lap, jumping up and down, and smiling at her great-grandma.
There were about forty people having dinner at the same time as Schnooks. I’ve always found there is no easier audience than senior citizens, so I’ll always cause quite a scene when I am amongst them, just to get a laugh.
Every five minutes at the dinner, I stood up, held Babs high in the air, and sang a song all of the seniors knew. The first song was “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” The others joined in, and gave us a big round of applause at the end. This was dinner entertainment at its best.
After eating my split pea soup appetizer, Babs and I stood and sang “Ain’t She Sweet.” This has always been The Cracker’s favorite song, and she started shoulder dancing¹ as expected. Applause followed, I thanked the crowd, but not as many people were clapping this time. I even saw a few frowns.
With a full turkey dinner in my stomach, it was time for the encore. Babs and I stood up, and sang “Deck the Halls.” Yes, it was late July, but I was trying to sing something my fans would know. This song was followed by a smattering of applause, and I noticed a few seniors shaking their heads. I shouted to the crowd, “Thank you, thank you.”
Here’s something funny about senior citizens…Sometimes they will think they are whispering to their friends, but really they’re yelling…Here are two actual quotes I heard after the Grammy-worthy² performance of “Deck the Halls.”
“He keeps saying thank you after he sings…I just want to tell him, you’re not welcome!”
“That poor baby. She sure isn’t going to like her dad when she grows up.”
After a bowl of green ice cream³, the senior critics had stopped taunting me, and The Cracker, Babs, and I enjoyed the rest of our “Dinner for Schnooks.”
¹ Shoulder dancing – A move patented by Gram Cracker, where just her shoulder’s move back and forth to a song, and the rest of her body remains still.
² By “Grammy-worthy,” I mean worthy of being sung to my grandmother…This will not be submitted for the Grammy Music Awards.
³ Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream is only referred to as “Green” ice cream at The Cracker’s home.