Do you remember what kind of parent you were going to be. You know, in the wisdom of your youth (or not so youth) you were evaluating all the parents around you. Quietly observing their behaviors and interactions with their children. Like it or not, you were judging them, and at the same time formulating your parenting plan. You learned from their shortcomings, and by the time your kid showed up, you had it all figured out. Your plan probably looked something like this:
- Breastfeed or Bust (pun intended): Formula is not an option! Putting that garbage in a kid’s mouth is like feeding them poison.
- Cloth diapers are awesome! After all, my sweet new high efficiency washer will get all the poop particles out.
- All toys should be educational.
- TV is evil… don’t have it on around the child.
- If the child is crying, there must be a good reason.
Then your offspring was born. Everything went well for approximately… 3 hours… and then the list went straight out the window:
- The dag-gone kid wouldn’t latch on to the boob no matter what, so you handed her to your wife, and she had the same problem. It’s like she refused to be nourished by another human.
- The first uber-runny bowel movement ended up all over your new khakis when the cloth diapers acted more like a sieve than anything else.
- After chucking all the ‘educational’ toys at your face, anything blinking and running on batteries was like a gift from above.
- With all the chaos you couldn’t get anything done around the house, so you propped little Timmy up in front of the TV so you could wash the pee-soaked, funky smelling cloth diapers with poo juice all over them.
- Finally, you were so tired from all of the above, that you drifted into a light slumber, to the soothing sounds of a screaming baby.
Somewhere in the midst of all the chaos, you stopped judging all the other parents… too much.