Dear Ragu,
I feel like people probably take you for granted quite often. You’re the sauce option that is always there on the shelf, and usually on sale.
I’m writing you this letter, to let you know that a few months ago we had an incident with your product.
I cooked spaghetti with Ragu sauce, as a family dinner for my wife, my daughter, and me.
It started out well, as we were all loving the taste of your four-cheese sauce. Babs, my daughter, was eating handfuls at a time.
As Babs started to eat faster, the pasta began to land all over her stomach, legs, and arms, and she became very uncomfortable.
Employees of Ragu, put yourself in her onesie: Wouldn’t you feel strange if you were covered in sauce and spaghetti?
The problem was that Babs still loved the taste of the pasta and sauce, so she continued to eat it at an impressive pace. This led to even more food landing on her body, and even more squirming. Eventually she started swatting the pasta all over the room.
Ladies and Gentlemen of Ragu, your sauce ended up on the walls, crown molding, hardwood floors, TV stand, table, and chairs.
The cleanup was intense, starting with rinsing Babs in the sink, followed by detox in the bathtub. The dining room area required an extreme Level 1 wash down.
In hopes that we all learn from this situation, I graciously ask that Ragu considers one (if not all) of the below strategies:
(1) Have a baby warning on Ragu products, explaining that the sauces could cause extreme chaos during and after intake.
(2) Package “value packs” of Ragu with baby wipes included.
(3) Release a press release saying that your sauces should not be used with spaghetti…its just too overwhelming for 1.5 year olds.
(4) Create a Ragu “cheerio” flavored sauce, so kids will taste something they are familiar with, possibly leading to a calmer attitude during dinner.
Finally, if you wanted to send us a lifetime supply of Ragu, I would provide my mailing address immediately.
Yours in sauce,
Tom Riles
www.LifeofDad.com
tom@tomriles.com