Parenting is hard stuff. The temper tantrums and logic deficit complicate the necessary day-to-day routines that come with raising a toddler.
Sometimes you have to fudge the truth a little bit in order to survive. As a parent, you say things you never pictured coming out of your mouth. Sometimes there’s a handful of lies told before breakfast. Sometimes they just fall out in the moment and you don’t get a chance to really think about what it is you’re saying.
The occasional lie is necessary when it comes to parenting. It can often be the only way out of a jam.
Here are seven lies I tell my son:
- The Food You Eat Powers the TV. You want to watch Horton or Monsters or Toy Story? It’s time to eat your vegetables. Picture those science experiments where lights are hooked up to the hamster wheel. That’s how the TV works in this house, except with food. The healthier the food, the longer the TV is powered.
- (Insert cartoon character in request) Plays first base for the Cubs. This one never really worked. He sees right through it. But if it buys me a couple more minutes of baseball, I’m for trying.
- Goldfish are the perfect vehicle to learn about taxes. This one isn’t so much a lie as it is a lesson that’s still a bit over his head. Your employer (daddy) gave you four Goldfish. The government (daddy) took two. Get used to a high tax rate, especially if you want to stay in Illinois, son. The tax rate on Goldfish is typically higher than Illinois property taxes. It’s a steep learning curve.
- The cookies went bad. Sometimes you need a way to say no to a toddler requesting cookies for breakfast. It just depends on the day.
- Playing “blocks away” is more fun than playing “blocks.” Jamie love’s to make a mess with one toy and quickly move on to the next. His set of toy blocks quickly spreads across our living room floor, creating a chaotic mess. So we’ve begun playing blocks away in order to promote cleanup. There’s no way it’s half as fun as playing blocks, though.
- Daddy loves his vegetables. On a night where the vegetables came out of a bag in the freezer this is a flat out lie. Summer veggies might be a different story. The truth is that as soon as he goes to bed, I’m eating ice cream.
- You should never lie. Well, almost never. Sometimes it’s just necessary.
What are some of the lies you’ve told your kids?
– See more at on my personal blog, Spiraling Upwards.