All parents experience messy firsts, whether they are new to being a parent or simply entering a new stage with a child. These adventures—or “bleachable moments”— are those times when all you can do is laugh your way through the mess (and sometimes grab a bottle of Clorox® Regular-Bleach, as you will soon learn).

I experienced several of these moments as part of the most frustrating time of my life – ‘The Great Smear Campaign of 2012.’

Centuries from now, historians will recall a few months in the Riles household as some of the messiest that this world has ever seen.

This girl could never do anything wrong, right?

This girl could never do anything wrong, right?

You see, my friends, during the year of 2012 we were attempting to potty train our daughter Babs.  That year we discovered that this girl has a sassy attitude, a thirst for revenge, and it turns out a keen sense for interpretive art.

Babs wants things done her way and using a toilet, as opposed to a diaper, was most certainly not her way.  We tried every method imaginable (stickers, reward system, Santa bribery), but nothing seemed to work.

Eventually, Babs compromised and started urinating like an adult, but she was firmly holding on to her pooping style.  She liked being in control of when and where she pooped, and she would have it no other way.

She wanted to only poop in her crib, and only if she was wearing a diaper.  That was it.  End of story.  If she wasn’t in her crib, and she wasn’t wearing a diaper, she refused to part ways with her excrement.

Even though Babs insisted on pooping with her rules, we still tried to force her to go on the toilet.  And it didn’t work.  At all.  She got angry.  She felt blindsided, betrayed.  She wanted revenge.

And how did this sweet 3 year old get us back, you ask?  She got revenge in the cruelest, messiest and most horrific manner possible.  Babs started a smear campaign.

Babs1guiltyMy precious daughter would hold off on pooping all day long until bed time. Once she got in her crib, it was her time.  It was her time to control what happened.  It was her time to do what she wanted.

Babs would poop, but it didn’t end there.  She could have called us in and asked us to change her afterwards, but she didn’t.  You see…my beautiful daughter was out for blood.

Babs would take the poop out of her diaper, look at the beautiful white bars on her crib, and then this artist went to work.

Babs would smear the former food up and down the white bars of her crib.  She would work horizontally, vertically, artistically painting this new brown color over the white wooden bars.  She was a Rembrandt of excremental artistry.  A Da-Vinci of doodoo.  A Pollock of poo.

When her masterpiece was complete and her revenge was finished, she would take the remaining ball of brown and hurl it across the room.  Nine times out of ten it landed squarely on her soft, fluffy, overpriced pink and white rug.

Once it was time to allow her parents back into her art gallery, Babs would yell, in sweet, innocent voice, “Mommy, Daddy…I went poopy.”

Then we, my wife and I, the creators of this adorable little girl, would enter the room, stare in disgust (and awe) at her pièce de résistance, and then begin the cleanup of the toxic mess.

My wife and I would work with our rags, water, and Clorox bleach, while attempting not to vomit.  On our hands and knees we scrubbed, rinsed and laughed (and cried) for almost an hour.

We got the crib white, clean, and perfect, that way Babs had a brand new canvass to create another masterpiece someday soon.

This smear campaign was part 1 of my 3 “#BleachItAway moments.

Make sure to visit www.bleachitaway.com to share your own unique bleachable moments for the chance to win $20,000. To make sure you’re prepared for your own “smear campaign” moments, everyone who submits a moment will instantly receive a coupon for $0.50 off any bottle of Clorox® Regular-Bleach via email for the first moment they submit.  

This is a sponsored post.  I love Clorox Bleach dearly, but I was also compensated to write this post on their behalf.  #BleachItAway.  #Ad.