shagbark-hickory-nut“She did not see the normal happy Mom and Dad like she normally does. This is when I decided that order still needed maintained in the house. I would keep The Brookie as happy as possible and help around the house and console The Wife. It seemed that she didn’t think I was upset that much because I wasn’t showing the same emotions as she was. Yes, I was and am very upset, but I also have another little girl to worry about.
This went on for the next couple of days until I started to lose my composure. I started blaming God for taking our girl from us. Early in the morning Saturday, The Brookie woke up. On the days that I’m home, as soon as she wakes up I take her outside for a walk. Usually we go down the driveway to Grammy and Grandpa’s house, but that day I decided to take her out in the woods. I remember praying as we walked out in the yard, and I put her on my shoulders. I began telling her about how I see the outdoors as my sanctuary. I prayed and thanked Jesus for giving me the chance to mentor and teach little Brookie. I know that she is a one year old and does not speak much or understand much yet, but I began to teach her. I told her that God is the creator. He created these trees, and He created the ground that gives them nourishment.  I taught her that all of these plants have a purpose for everything to survive. I told her how God gave all of this to us and how when I go hunting and fishing God gives us nourishment. Tears began streaming down my face as I got to the bottom of the hill. I put Brooklyn down so she could run around and play. I started to ask God why again. Why do you have to do this to us? Why now? How will we make it through this? As I was on my knees, The Brookie walked up to me with two handfuls of hickory nuts. She was just holding them with a satisfied look on her face. She loved them and loves to pick them up. I told her that those are special hickory nuts. God made those hickory nuts just for her to hold. That was the moment that I knew that God wanted us to hold Eden and cherish her, just like The Brookie and the hickory nuts. I thanked God for opening my eyes and thanked The Brookie for teaching me also. I know it sounds funny that you can learn from a one year old, but it’s true. If it wasn’t for her walking up to me doing something she loved and holding something that she loved, I would have never seen it.”
Flash forward a year and a half and many things have changed. We had a beautiful little angel and were blessed with 6 hours and 27 minutes with our angel. There are many things that happen with infant lost that many people don’t understand, but I am not going to go into that subject. What I do want to say is I have an announcement .
IMAG0261We are going to have another baby! We are very excited about this news, but there is also concerns and fear. Last year was a year of preparing for a loss and now we are going through another pregnancy. The fear of having another baby with anencephaly is something that I don’t know if The Wife can go through again. I don’t know if I can go through it again. I don’t know if I could keep my composure for learning about another fatal defect. Then I thought of the Hickory Nut story that I wrote in the summer of last year. We are being blessed with another hickory nut for our family. We are going to get to hold and cherish a baby. Sure there is fear, but there is more excitement now that I thought of the hickory nut.
We are trying to stay very positive about this pregnancy and we are praying that when we do go for the ultrasound, that we will have a very healthy baby. I really am not sure if we can go through this devastation again. Please keep us in your thoughts for the next few months and I will update as needed with our little hickory nut’s health.
Read Eden Marie’s entire story. http://www.thelifeofedenmarie.com/