A few weeks back I had a really bad day… one of the top 5 bad days of my life.
Woke up after only 4 hours sleep. Shower was freezing. No time for breakfast. Morning coffee was cold and tasted like dirty feet. Drank it anyway. 16 big projects waiting for me at the office. No time for lunch. Afternoon coffee was cold and tasted like dirtier feet. Drank it anyway. Put in another 12 hour day. Traffic on the drive home was backed up for 14 miles. Car radio only pulled in the local 70’s soft-rock station. I like “Dream Weaver” but “Wildfire” brings me down. Home too late for dinner. Kids already asleep. About to drop into bed myself but opt for a shower instead. Maybe the water will be warm this time?
And here’s the BAD part. The crusher to my long, shi**y day. The unexpected punch to the gut. Stab in the heart. I pull back the shower curtain and find… hold on… need a deep breath before I say it… I pull back the shower curtain and find… a new purple razor on the edge of the tub!!! I’m momentarily confused. My wife’s razor is right on the shelf where it always is. My razor is under the sink (unused as usual). Did we have an overnight guest? Then it hits me… that new purple razor belongs to my 11 year old daughter! My little, baby girl is now shaving!?
In all seriousness, I had to sit down at this point. I’ve had a lot of stresses as a parent over the past 11 years but this was a totally new category. No health issues on the line. Nothing to do with trouble at school. This was the first solid indication that my wonderful little girl was growing up and becoming a young lady!
I know this is part of life and a fabulous thing. Our children grow up and move onto their own lives. We want them to be self-sufficient and independent – to form their own opinions and make their own discoveries. But what about that little bugger sitting on my lap listening to silly, made-up stories? Snuggling with me while we watch a movie? Curling up under my arm as I sing her to sleep? When I think back over the past 11 years with both my girls, I value those little moments the most. I am brought to tears when I think about losing that.
I have confidence that we will remain a tight family and enjoy each others company. I know there will be some rough times ahead as the girls become rebellious teenagers. They’ll need “Poppy” less as they grow more dependent on friends and eventually partners. I want this all for them but feel a real gap in my life approaching. I need to find a way to deal with it.
So, I’ve started accepting the razor. I see it in the shower every morning – but it is no longer my enemy. It is now a reminder to value every single moment I have with my kids and prepare for the growth of our relationship. I’m not losing the connection… just changing it. They can read ME books now, and we can talk on a more equal level about the meanings of the stories. We can develop our hobbies together and share interests. Our conversations can be deeper and more involved as they grow into adults. I’m starting to recognize that every stage of development will hold amazing, new things for our relationship. That little, purple razor has really been a gift.
I hope I’ll be able to say the same when I one day enter the bathroom and find the shower curtain draped with a training bra…