When I was living in New York, I would love to create original greetings for my family.
Initially, I would make cards out of materials at hand, or the strangest objects I’d procure at craft stores or hardware stores, like feathers, rawhide, wood, nails, and armature wire.
It was labor intensive, and by the time they would arrive in the mail, they would end up a distressed mess that seemed like they should have been accompanied by a note that read: this message will self- destruct.
When I ran out of time and feathers, I just started making weird and sometimes irreverent digital cards that I would email to everyone in the family.
I would spend more time on these than it seemed. Indeed, there was a lot of effort that went into making something look like it was designed by a fourth grader.
After sending them out, I’d feel guilty for not providing them with tangible gifts, and ultimately spend a fortune shipping them gifts at the last minute.
As I matured, my gifts started to become more sophisticated. It was increasingly hard to hide behind my post-painterly primitivism. I still made original work with manipulated photographs, but I would screen print them on t-shirts, or blow them up into the largest prints I could find, or frame a striking high-resolution image of a memorable family vacation.
As I grow older it becomes increasingly important to keep in touch with my family. I live so much closer now, and see them during holidays and special events, but I feel like I talk to them less than I did when I was living 2500 miles away. My two gorgeous nieces are young adults now, engaged in their own lives and endeavors that are increasingly independent of familial constraints. It’s just as I was at their age. I regret that I missed many significant childhoods while I was off on adventures around the world and living far too long in New York City.
We’re probably not as close as we really should be. One is in college now, and the other had a child who is about to celebrate his first birthday. Life for all of us is full of new challenges and opportunities. It seems trite, I know, but time’s passing accelerates faster than we grasp. That little boy is going to be making his own adult decisions before I’ve had a chance to discuss string theory, phenomenology, or Franz Kafka. He will soon be schooling me about the world through a wonderful new perspective, and I know it will catch me off guard like it did with my nieces.
I remember when my youngest niece’s high school graduation announcement arrived in my Lower East Side mailbox. It was less of an announcement and more of an entire booklet, but I cherished it and celebrated the thought and originality that went into it. (I’d like to think that some of my creativity rubbed off on her.)
There was a page that talked about her journey to graduation, a page that touted all of her achievements, and another where she wrote about her future plans. It all meant so much to me. I know that I’m an important part of her life, but just that simple gesture made me feel like I knew her so much better, like I even contributed to her accomplishments and her dreams.
It’s hard to find a perfect balance between bragging and giving away far too much information. My life has always been an open book, for better or worse, but in this digital age of social oversharing, I’m increasingly searching to find a more honest, selfless space where I can be more of a participant in the world of my family.