Oftentimes I feel like a fraud. I’ll get irritated at my wife (over nothing), neglect to make time for my baby boy (that’s one of my priorities), or make stupid mistakes at work that called for a conversation with my boss.
As I serve my in-person and remote (online) clients, it can be difficult to fight off the feeling that I need to be right all the time. It’s a feeling that communicates to my subconscious,
“If you don’t have your stuff together… nobody will listen to you. Why would anybody follow what you’re guiding them through if you yourself can’t do it right?”
It’s an accusation made under false pretenses and assumptions that failure, mistakes, and below-perfect performances are simply not okay for the line of work I do.
Full disclosure: My passion is to guide human beings, particularly men, to perform where it matters. Sure this includes physical aesthetics and performance; I understand and desire to meet people where they’re currently at. But I have a heart to bring a new depth to the lives of the people I come into contact with: relationally, mentally, & spiritually. But, technically-speaking, in the majority of my work I guide athletes and men in raising the ceiling of their human performance potential, but also to help build a sustainably healthier lifestyle while actually using less effort.
While you can see the dilemma I have on my hands (wanting to have it all figured out), I came to a point the other day wondering just how many of us fellow dads struggle with the same thing, whether health, strength, & fitness or in parenting (or both).
Surely I was not the only one.
And as I asked around, both to my clients and friends or family I came into contact with over the next day, the resounding voice was unified and obvious that us men feel that pressure to have it all together. In fact, many who I spoke with talked about actively fighting against that pressure regularly.
And fight we do. The reality of the situation is that these feelings, thoughts and self-talk discussions we carry on inside our head don’t do much good. The only good they do is to remind ourselves that it’s okay to be imperfect. But that’s not exactly what we follow-up these conversations with typically… am I right?
In retaliation to the negative mode of thought I have been projecting lately, I have provided below The 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Read This Blog. Below each of those, I hope to further reveal in a succinct manner the true heart behind why I write and why I care about other dads with the same mission, which is:
To pursue and move towards a healthier lifestyle more efficiently, effectively, & sustainably, so that we can value what truly matters (God, wife, children, work) without believing the lies portrayed daily by the fitness industry regarding both what it truly takes to live a healthy life and what physical health can actually bring you.
Don’t read my articles if:
- You have it all together.
This community is for people who make mistakes, period. We don’t sulk in our mistakes; we build and express resiliency through the indomitable strength we find through Jesus Christ our Lord.
- You want to lose 10 pounds in the next two weeks.
The life of simple health is one of gradual, but consistent improvement. We would rather you lose 10 pounds over the course of the next year, if that meant that you would lose 10 pounds the next year, and the next year… This is not a crash course in weight loss.
- You are already the best husband the world has ever seen.
The marriage relationship is the most difficult piece of the pie for me. Although I do like the saying, ‘Marriage is easy… it’s life that’s hard,’ it doesn’t bring an alternate reality that then make day to day living and connecting with the most important woman in my life any easier. Many times we thrive (or dive) depending on how our relationship with our wife is doing. That’s definitely something that is addressed for simple health.
- You are already the best dad the world has ever seen.
Parenting is like being thrown into the deep end of a pool when you’re 4 years old… and somebody has tied your hands behind your back. Okay, I can see how you might think that that’s completely unrealistic, and a bit crazy, but you get the point. No manual, no instructions, so many different variables, responsibilities, and pressures, and yet there is a human life at stake (our child)!
- You are interested in lengthy, source-heavy material.
Us dads need to know 3 things as it pertains to what we’re reading:
1) Is this legitimate/credible?
2) Does this apply to me and my current situation in life
3) How can I immediately insert this into my own life in such a way that it benefits me and/or the people around me?
While yes, I cite information and material (and usually provide links or a suggestion to google it for more), you won’t be tethered down to research-type journal articles on here. Let’s be real for a second: you don’t have very much time in the day as it is. We are going to get straight to the point with the relevant information and challenge that you need in order to keep commandeering that ship that is you and your family.
- You want to be told what to do.
As Simple Health Dad, my goal is not to prescribe, but to challenge. You’re a driven, ambitious, fully capable man, made in the image of God. Today’s man must be challenged in areas that don’t just include the workplace. Why is it that we build respect at work, only to come home and be viewed as incompetent by the world at large (and many times by our families)? We seek to build the intrinsic motivation, which in turn ignites a response to our challenges.
- You don’t see value in personal & spiritual development.
I mentioned it earlier: I care about you, not just your six-pack. I am right there with you in wanting to look smoking HOTT for my wife, and also understanding that when I am in good physical shape I have more energy, can move better, etc.
A huge part of simple health is ‘searching on the margin,’ which means finding big wins that take little to no effort (or at least less effort than what you think it might take. Development in our self-awareness and practices like quiet meditation & prayer time are a big win and actually a vital behavior when it comes to driving a peaceful and fulfilled life. Don’t think we are all about working out and eating well.
We aren’t simply bodies that happen to have a soul; we are souls that happen to have a body (for the time being).
- You want to spend hours and hours in the gym and get jacked out of your mind.
Us dads don’t have time; indeed, if we did have more time, chances are that we would rather spend it another way than to be crushing more sets in the gym-space. This isn’t a meat-head forum or space; it is a place where you can be encouraged, guided, and challenged to take the same drive and ambition you so easily apply in the workplace and at home to your health, strength, & fitness. We won’t be teaching you how to count macros, become a body-builder, or periodize a strict 12-week program. Long-term health goes WAY beyond that.
If you are any of the above, take my advice and don’t waste your time: the material you find on here most likely will not be relevant to you and your life.
For those of you that stuck around, comment below and answer the following question:
Which conversation are you having with yourself that is destructive and (most likely) keeping you from taking a step towards where you want to be at?
Until Next Time,
Simple Health Dad
Full Disclosure: I write my articles very early in the morning (this one at about 5AM). I had planned on 10 Reasons… but my son Boaz woke up screaming and I rescued him from the giant monster underneath his crib. When I came back to finish, over an hour later, I realized I had said all I needed to say. 8 is just my number today!