Our last moments with Eden were very special. As I looked around the room, I could see that everyone was truly satisfied with the time we got with her. Everyone knew what was going to happen, but we were all in awe with how strong Eden was, and how she gave us all she could. I realized that even The Wife was okay when she told Eden that she didn’t need to keep being so strong anymore. “You can let go and be with Mema,” were The Wife’s words to Eden.
I was on the phone with my Dad, and The Virginia was on the phone with her Uncle when Eden left the world. I noticed that she had stopped moving and was not opening her mouth to breathe anymore. I tapped her on her nose because she would flinch, but this time she didn’t. With tears in my eyes, I looked at my Mother-in-law and my mom and just nodded. We all knew, and all I could do is bury my face into The Wife. My mom came up behind me and hugged me, “She is so peaceful and calm.” I will never forget those words from my Mother as everyone else gathered around. A calming still came over the room, the air was heavy, and we all just stood around Eden in silence, almost like silently telling her “thank you for your strength and blessing us for these 6 hours and 27 minutes.” The nurse came and no heartbeat was found. The doctor came in to confirm it, and he nodded and told us he was sorry. We all already knew it, but it was still heartbreaking.
The next few hours were me and The Wife spending our last moments with Eden. We cried, cuddled, took pictures, and bathed Eden. Those last moments with her I will never forget.
I have other memories that I will always keep to myself and will cherish them forever. Our angel will always be in my heart, and I thank God and Eden for blessing us with the perfect time. We were all content with what Eden gave us, and she changed our lives forever. Yes there are times when I am not okay, and there are times when everything is fine. We all have our moments, and I know it is okay to have those moments.
It has been 7 months since I this has happened and I will never forget these memories. There are other parents that go through this every day and I would like for them to know that they are never alone. There are others that have been through a child loss. Here are a couple of snippets from other Dad’s that have experienced a child loss.
We searched around all of the baby stores looking for something to buy. Not knowing if it was going to be a boy or girl made it pretty hard. Then we found this duck. We took the duck home along with a book, and I began the nightly ritual of reading to mommy’s tummy every night. I won’t go into the whole story as I have already talked about it here, in greater detail. Long story short, we lost the baby. It’s name was Peanut. And when I got the call, my world fell out from under me. We took one last night to read to Peanut and say good-bye. I hugged the duck and cried as I felt I was dying inside.
Right now they take life, not day by day, but hour by hour.
We will never forget you Olivia. You are a beautiful scar on our hearts. My father-in-law said it best at the vigil – ‘The chain of my perfect family has forever been broken… and all I want is to fix it.’
Now a favor from all of you reading this. As a given name, Eden has several derivations, from the Biblical Garden of Eden, meaning delight or pleasure. I have created a Facebook Group called Trees of Eden that will be a place for parents and family to interact with others. The object of the group is not only support, but to plant trees and post photos of these trees for other’s to see. This will be a growing group and will be a place for all families that support other’s. Please join the group and share with others.